THUMBSTUMPS HAVE NO RIGHTS

i DID NOT like confessions of a shopaholic.
both the movie and the books.
because honestly, i do not like becky at all.
she's damn annoying right?
like if you're the kind of person who's impatient with ditzy bimbotic people who don't think beyond the next step
i think you'd hate her too.

there's been a drought of good shows lately
either that or my taste is just changing.
the only one that keeps me going is gossip girl.
like every tuesday i MUST remember to watch.
and i dunno what the nonsense is about several so called famous bloggers either
1. acting all superior and claiming that they try not to tell pple they watch gg
2. going all fan clubbish over gg. like, only now?

in the first place, gg has been around for what, years?
i remember buying the first book some time ago, when i was in jc or something.
which was like what, 4 years ago?
and then the show came out and it became some big thing over here.
gosh.

i'm just bored, hence the rant. ignore please.
goodnight.
 

when you have high expectations, life always seems to let you down.
( high expectations cont'd )


been trying out tumblr for a while, but i don't really geddit.
neither do i get twitter.
i think i'm like just retarded like that.
but we'll see.

*edit: ok i'm starting to get twitter a little bit. but it still looks a little pointless to me. :/

i'm bored and an inefficient studier, so i'm gonna make a list of things that i don't get.
Ready? here it goes:
twitter
econometrics
M&Ms colour breakup (is it even available in SG yet?) but anyway andrea insisted we lug two bags all the way home from melbourne.
one is unopened, and the other is sitting open in my fridge barely touched. yes, i have a large bag of ALL RED M&Ms sitting in my fridge. i tried eating it just now, but its somehow slightly disturbing to look into the packet and see that its all red.
somehow it doesn't make sense know, cos like they're all one flavour inside what - chocolate.
its not like those fruity sweets (skittles) where each colour represents a different flavour.
so it doesnt really matter which colour M&M you eat, so why make the whole bag one colour + market it as something special?
there's the commercial on Ozzie telly ok, and its actually quite cute. Break up scene between red and yellow M&M. it might even be avail in sg already, but i just don't know it yet, cos it don't really watch telly nor have i been to the grocery store recently. or at least not since i got back.
busy studying yknow. lol.

anyway the colour breakup thing was the main point of my list of things i do not get. cos i've been turning this over and over in my head since we left bigw last thursday morning. kinda forgot about it when we got back to sg, but today andrea took a packet out to eat, and it got me started again.

will upload photos and you can decide for yourself if its weird.


anyway i need to go down to a good grocery store soon, wanna look for this kellog's krispy cereal bar thing that doensn't seem to be available anywhere except for marketplace at paragon and the tiny cold storage at gardens, both out of the way.  >:(

good news is that i succeeded in making my space scape tank today. (: (: (:
took walnut's advice and went ahead with the bleach. sometimes i'd like to think that her abstract thoughts are pure genius rather than random nonsense.
i'll take a photo when its dry.
and then i wanna do a black one.

by the way, i'm special. sheepy says so.
haw haw goodnight!
 

you know, the only thing that's going well in my life is the shop. and even that is hanging in the balance. or maybe i'm just a person who's never satisfied. but we'll get to more on the shop later.

you have no idea how bad i'm feeling now, or how hard i'm crying, or how often i cry myself to sleep when i'm depressed. do you even know how often i tire myself up staying up to do things or watch shows on my lappy just so i won't have to face my thoughts in that window of time where you lie down and do nothing before you sleep?

i know the more i tell you about my feelings, the more irritated you'll get cos you'll say i don't understand that you're busy. i understand that you're busy and unwell, and i know that you have alot of shit going on in your life now. just that all i want to do is be close to you, but you won't even allow that.

close, is a relative term of course. to some, all it means is,  - i don't even wanna go there, because i've let too many shitty people into my life too fast, by choice or otherwise. how did i get to this point? i'd like to think that they've trespassed into my world, but really, i've stepped into theirs. notice how i use stepped and not trespassed in the latter, because its always ok to take a step downwards, but so not cool to force your way into a world above yours. i'd say i regret stepping into this grimy little world, but the truth is, we live on a very small island, so needs must.

i'd go for days at a time, depressed and quiet, and yet you'd either not notice, or pretend not to notice, or better yet, choose to take it as a form of me making trouble for you. have you not noticed that i'm trying my hardest to be cheerful? as a guage, i'm back at the highest level of shopping expenditure again. i mean, i shop when i'm happy too, but not THIS much. did you know that last night, while i was quietly trying to pretend that everything was alright, i took out my card, right there in front of you, and within minutes, decided on 6 items i was gonna get, and bought them there and then. at 3 in the morning after work. it did make me feel better, for about an hour or so, till it all started coming back.

i know you like to pretend that everything should be good between us, but i beg to differ. there's so much left hanging, you wouldn't even know where to start. every single freaking thing you did and said then, and whatever jokes or remarks that you make now, they affect me still. there're two ways this could go, humiliate her, destroy her to my satisfaction, and everything goes back to normal, no one gets hurt. (: except her, but then again, she's not a full-fledged human being like the rest of us, so thats ok.

or, let me stew and accumulate all that anger, and spontaeneously combust, and everyone of us gets hurt in one way or another.

i'm trying my hardest to keep busy, but really, the sadness isn't going away. something has to give, soon.

i think you really should think twice before you make the same mistake i did, which will cost you the love that you seem to take for granted.



 

none of the other problems in my life are unresolvable. except for the select few.
these days, you do not know anything about me
and yet you do not care to find out.
all thats important to you is that i'm not out with the undesirables
as long as i'm home and i'm alone
its good enough for you.
has it ever crossed your mind that i might be sad?
that your actions and indifference might make me depressed?
apparently not.
and guess what?
i give up trying to reach out to you, to tell you how i feel.
if you wanted to find out, you would have.

i doubt you'd even chance upon this anyway, probably not till its too late
because since when do you read my blog anymore?
i guess i wouldn't either.
its too full of depressing emotional entries to even bother about.

go ahead and enjoy what's important to you,
the popularity, the fawning groupies, whatever.
at the end of the day, lets see if it was all worth it for the things you'll be losing in return.
just so you know, i say this not out of anger, but resignation.
 

i do not own a polaroid camera, but i played with this polaroid making programme that i downloaded. because the photos remind me of happier times, when sheepy and i would go out for dinner, and have fun and just be happy together. like stuffing our faces at soup restaurant. where i always always come away from the dinner feeling like i'm gonna explode. i miss those times, and you.

the shot on the right is just something we were playing at. the photo studio shit. which worked out pretty fine in my opinion, and sheepy was my first subject. test shot and all that, yknow.

ok i have an 830 seminar tomorrow, and i haven't printed anything. french again on thursday. which by the way, is fairly stupid. will reconsider my add drop options when i get back from school tomorrow.

i'm off to wallow. goodnight.
 

The week after christmas, i'll take a break from the shop. go out somewhere and chill and do my own stuff for once. and leave the shop to someone else. or actually, maybe i'll just leave this week's stuff to andrea. its about time she got down to handling something herself anyway. Haven't been able to meet up with friends/do my own thing at my own time, even had to sacrifice work once. on a friday somemore. Will not skip work for the shop anymore
Will not skip work for the shop anymore
Will not skip work for the shop anymore
Will not skip work for the shop anymore
Will not skip work for the shop anymore
i should sit back and let andrea sacrifice more. since all she does is go out anyway.
i'm making doing the shop sound like such a drag now, but its really not! its pretty fun, and i like the process of doing the outfits etc etc, even seeing emails come in makes me happy. buuuuuutttttttt, obviously i can't do it alone right? need. efficient. help. quick.

weird, considering that i always get scolded by walnut for being slow. like cos she's super duper efficient and sharp right? but yaa, she always scolds me for being slow. not in the bad way though, or maybe i don't take it so bad cos i know i am slower than her. but then again, we haven't worked together in eons, onions if you wish. times like these, i miss her. actually, no, make that most of the time, i miss her. like when i do not have her to stand together and whisper at work, and tsk at inefficient people, and like try to engineer dinner breaks together and so on.

The flea went well, considering the overall response for the flea was pretty low.


not sure why anthea looks like she's clapping in the first photo though.

Met a couple of customers/potential customers from the shop today at the flea. and some of them are so cute!! a few of them were really nice and friendly and i swear i've seen some of them somewhere before. some were a little shy, but nice all the same, and i guess they're happier chatting or asking questions bout the items over emails, maybe its something in our culture.

and there was this group of really cute girls frequenting the booth, whom andrea says are only in sec1? and they were dressed really nicely and had better makeup skills than most of us. seeeeriiiiooooooooouuuussssssss. they were all so pretty and well groomed.

what were you like in sec one? haha, comment to answer that. i know i was really nerdy and tiny in my specs and weird hair. and i was soooo short!! cos i grew like close to 10cm between the end of sec one and start of sec three, if i remember correctly. so my height now: 160cm - 10cm = 150cm at most.
 

Christmas this year is depressing. i do not feel like going anywhere crowded at all. Tired of crowds, and isn't that a sign of premature ageing when you're merely 21? i do not even feel like working, and that's a first. all i want to do is hide at home with a christmas movie on dvd, preferably with sheepy(who has to work), or my besties. i guess i might go over to joyce's for turkey on the eve, since her mum has included me (or rather joyce invited me). oh well. at least thats someplace where i'll wanna be, and among people i like.

everything is depressing of late actually. even watching that last episode of gossipgirl made me feel so down. no particular reason though, i just do not like what happened (in the show) i guess.

i will do some what i wore today posts on chictopia when/if i start to feel better. till then!
 

I realised, my focus for the holidays has shifted. it used to be like, work as much as possible to earn more, since i'm not constrained by classes, project meetings deadlines etc anymore. but this hols its more of, do the blogshop, laze around at home, and so on. and its the last holidays i'll have to myself before i graduate. Next year's summer break is gonna be spent interning god knows where. but wherever it is, it'll confirm guarantee and dunno whatever it is ah lians say, not be as fun as working part time like that. 5 day work weeks, waking up at ungodly hours like 7am. it's gonna be shit. but you know what? because i'm already doing my degree anyway, i feel so obliged to find such a job in the future.

so, note to self. stop feeling so obliged to do things you hate already.
feeling obliged to keep your comments/opinions to yourself.
feeling obliged to do things people expect of you.

ok, and we're gonna take a short break from doing collections for the shop, and i'll try to use this break to assess what i like/don't like about the shop and our stuff. problem is, i have absurd taste. really. the stuff i want is seldom sold out online cos NO ONE ELSE LIKES IT. unless its those uber popular blogshops that people will buy from even if they sell shit. so, my taste, not trust worthy. but at least i know what i don't believe in.

i don't wanna be the kind of wannabe thats so common here. wannabe rich girl, wannabe tai tai, acting high class, when eating at expensive places must must take photo and must tell the whole world. i mean, if you're really that sort of rich kid whose parents brought you up to enjoy the finer things in life then i guess its fine, cos its not like you've a choice in your upbringing right? what i hate are the posers.

i also don't like it when people try to act classier than they really are. like, do not imitate european or whatever styles because theres a reason why its uniquely theirs and you'll only end up looking stupid cos your skin is yellow/beige/whatevercolourasianskinis and your hair and eyes are dark brown/black.

i also do not like people who act hippie and bohemian and alternative, when they are simply not being alternative, but just being themselves. alternative and bohemian only works when you trade off a better or more attractive lifestyle for something lesser. not doing something that is all you deserve, or not trying to achieve a better lifestyle. that's not alternative but plain wannabe.

i also do not like to act poised, elegant, posh(especially posh, its overrated), or chic. unless of course you have to, like when attending functions,dinners etc. i do have a sense of propriety you know. but otherwise, not only does it scream trying too hard, its like, you have the rest of your corporate life where you're gonna be pressed into looking poised, neat, whatever and so on, why start now when as yet no one cares if your face is effing dirty or not.

but how? if i style the shop this way, no one will buy from us because there are simply too many wannabes out there. people who think classy is a good descriptive, who think chic is chic, why not let the pictures speak?
when i can achieve pictures that speak like these , i'll know i've arrived.

i mean, i've nothing against girly, pretty clothes. in fact,due to numerous reasons, i tend to wear more of those than the edgier, quirkier outfits i'm partial to.
1. edgy stuff's hard to find in singgers. even if you find it, its damn ex. and i'm poor. i live on a meagre monthly allowance, and make minimum wage at the bar. (don't hate me when i say something like that, poor's all relative)
2. edgy outfits need time. and effort. eg. you need to tuck that aweome lace whatever it is nicely into your high waisted shorts after you pee. compared to if you're wearing a pretty printed babydoll top over skinnies, all you really need to do is throw them on.

i'll be putting this entry up as public, so anyone who wants to flame me can do so. say i'm wannabe different if you like. i've already thought about that. yea, maybe i am. i know i'm weird though, proof is in how i've no friends, and i'm getting more and more antisocial day by day. like i'd rather stay home and rot than agree to meeting people i'm not close to, just for the sake of going out and doing something. or even worse, for the sake of going out to be seen.

ok, enough of negativity. of course there're some decent people around. i'm not thaaaaaaaaaat weird yknow. but seriously, sometimes its like, i think i'm semi normal because i'm conscious of the "i live here, i need to fit in" feeling, rather than happily embracing our culture of pseudo everything.

i have this weird irrational desire to do this next time i go to the supplier's:
pick everything out based on my own likes and dislikes, style it totally completely lack of pretension, pseudoclassy airs and whatsoever, and see if anyone buys a single piece. my money's on a big zero. i mean, if more people liked the same things i liked, i wouldn't have such an aversion to all these people would i?

oh well, maybe i will try it. small collection of maybe, 3-5 designs. so that at least if no one buys any, at least i love the stuff and i can wear them myself. hawhaw.

other than that, its back to the grindstone. think of ideas, check out what people are buying, etc etc. most of the time i see those stuff that get sold out, and think to myself, how never in a million years will i wear something like that.

but i guess i shouldn't be so hard on people who do pretend yknow. some people actually wanna fit in, or being liked/popular's important to them, etc etc. need to buy "classy" tops/dresses for work to impress the boss to get promoted. erm, how bout a simple shirt from RL with a sharp suit then? or need to wear "chic" dresses out after work/on saturdays to impress i dunno who. who do these people wanna impress? rich young bankers/lawyers? in the hope of hooking one? i'm guessing its something to that extent la.

well, i'm sure many of these people i'm bashing now are perfectly nice people, but i really don't feel bad about doing it, honestly. because not only does no one read my blog, even if they do, they probably don't care what i think of them. and i'm sure all these people yknow, despise sloppily dressed dark eyeliner wearing slipper shuffling kids like me too. words like "cheap clothes, cui, weird", and so on are bound to come out. but i'm quite ok about it, honestly, because the next time i'm really happy with one of my outfits, it just takes one grossly dressed generic wannabe to come up and tell me, "eh i like your so-and-so item", for me to start hating it. happened to me once you know. i was wearing sissy's imitation CC skye(i say imitation because i think inspired is severely overused. how can it be inspired if its the exact bloody same, just lower quality?) chainlink bracelet, and this wannabe happily came up and told me "eh i like your bracelet", and my heart sank. :(

there, all my frustrations out. need to get down to the real work soon. think of ideas, looks, etc etc that can sell. and note to self: DO NOT BE INFLUENCED BY PEOPLE WHOSE IDEAS YOU KNOW ARE CRAP.

goodnight.